Thursday, August 10
Hello everyone, I introduce myself: My name is Henry Benn, and I am a student in psychology. I always had good results at university, and now that I'm getting close to graduation, I decided to write a thesis that I certainly will provide an output with praise. I decided to treat the effect of total solitude man, and I wanted to try to do this in person.
Betty, my girlfriend has a fur, and I asked her the necessary help in the experiment. Taking advantage of the summer holidays we have set up shop in a small studio on the fur vault, with a fridge with food for a week (even if the experiment lasted only five days), a cot, a chair and a table, on which I am writing in this Right now, my diary, which I'll update every day and that will be the basis for my thesis. Ah, I forgot, we naturally also provided for a toilet, camping!
To make sure that the experiment go through without a break, I asked Betty to leave the city for five days so that it can not come to me to leave before the deadline. If I knew in advance can leave at any time my emotions are no longer true, and I want to find out what it's really being abandoned by the world.
And here I am on the first day of my experiment. One last kiss, and Betty closed the security door of the vault, after having tried once again to dissuade me from my "madness" as she called it. Betty is a girl of speech, and I'm sure he followed my instructions to the letter, going for five days to visit his old grandmother.
First impressions? For now I do not feel anything abnormal, do not panic, no anxiety, only a slight sense of claustrophobia just closed the door, but passed away. Been years since I was immersed in a silence so complete, and I must admit that I would not mind at all. The wild life, noisy, that we lead today often want to be alone, quiet. I'm beginning to think that my more than a search, it will be a holiday. Perhaps I the test had to stretch to two or three weeks!
But I think for now the day will not present any problems, especially since the first day of silence you can only appreciate.
For now and then will finish at this point my diary. In this moment I am 14.00. I lie down for a moment on the bed to see if I can recover the lost sleep last night for the excitement to begin this test, then this evening I will begin to give the bottom of the food for dinner. I will come back to write tomorrow.
Friday, August 11
The night was wonderful. I had some trouble falling asleep because of too much silence but the old system of counting sheep worked: I slept like a log until 11.00, when I woke up the ringer on my watch. It 's strange to wake up at that hour and not see the sun, but here the only light I have available is that of neon. I combined breakfast and lunch into one meal at noon, giving me two eggs and a can of tuna. Unfortunately I have to settle for pre-cooked or raw food because the lack of ventilation of the vault would not allow the installation of a stove and only just came to my mind that I could buy a microwave oven. Patience: five days pass quickly.
With all this silence seems at times to be deaf, there is almost a feeling of pressure in the ears, as if they were placed in a vacuum environment. Every now and then intone a few songs to prove to myself that my ears still work. I already tried the impulse to speak loudly, but I already know I would feel a mentally unstable, so better to desist.
Apart from that I feel just like yesterday, loneliness does not bother me, in fact, I always like more. I just have to get used to the silence. I should bring a radio! What am I saying? The radio with a feeling of loneliness was muffled, and my experiment was not realistic. Around me there must be absolute vacuum.
E 'as in this extraordinary If silence is made to sound weak, that seem magnified ten-fold: the sound of flowing pen on the paper, the soft hum of the neon, the motor of the refrigerator, and why not, the sound of urine flowing into the cup of my toilet by earthquakes. Ultimately these are the only noises I hear.
And now for a brick of my thesis has been developed. I am convinced that I receive compliments from the rector. Other than research on textbooks!
Saturday, August 12
This morning I was awakened by the fridge! Maybe there is something broken, but suddenly it seems louder. I hope I'm not crying in the lurch before Monday. Certainly not die without food for two days, but it would be quite uncomfortable.
The night is spent in the best way: I had a nightmare, although I do not know if due to a sense of discomfort caused by loneliness or dinner last night. I dreamed about my grandfather, who committed suicide in 73 years. He had already tried other times to take his life, and I just reviewed his latest attempt, the one scored. We were in '76, I was still young, and my grandfather was telling me one of his stories. Suddenly, what began as a harmless fairy tale turned into a horror story that terrified me. I wanted to shut my ears to not to hear the story, but my grandfather had locked his hands and continued to relentlessly tell the tale of how the protagonist was thrown under a train and how his guts were scattered all around the rails. Suddenly the room around us was gone, and we were right in that stretch of track where my grandfather had died. Actually I had never seen those rails, but in the dream I knew that would happen because there. In the distance you could hear the train whistle, and my grandfather showed no signs of taking off the rails, holding me by the arm. I was struggling, crying that I did not do his end, but the socket does not let up. The train was now at the curve beyond which the driver would have foreshortening, although too late to stop the convoy. The train came, and I could not do anything but scream. Then the collision; tons of steel rattled about us, but I kept seeing: I saw the wheels that ran on rails, and staining sparks, our bodies were dismembered, as if my head severed from her head and crushed under a wheel possess its own life and refused to let her go. I saw a look of my grandfather, jumped from orbit, he could keep his crazy look without the help of the facial muscles that characterize expressions. I kept seeing parts of my body that flew away like comets followed by a bloody tail. I saw all this and yet I could wake up as usual was the case with the nightmares.
Luckily for me, as I said, the fridge has caused me, making me go from a pool of blood the dream of a lake of sweat much more real. I'm afraid that until Tuesday morning when I open the door for Betty, I'll have to endure the smell of sweaty sheets.
still do not know what caused the dream, though I preferred to write it to remember it in detail and analyze it calmly out of here.
Sunday, August 14
I'm back here, more lively than ever. Last night I made out the entire supply of beer I had in my fridge, because the memory of the dream of night before would not let me sleep. Medicine has had the desired effect, and the hangover I had no problems all night. I can not say the same thing this morning when I woke up I felt like I had slept with his head in a vise. Moreover, each drug has its side effects!
Now the headache I went, although it certainly was not helped by the refrigerator, which has also added the sound of neon. What are going to burn? This forced me to stop and wait for good good diary that I come to leave Betty. Let's hope not!
Today I gave up the "news blackout", and I started chatting with myself. He gave me a feeling of relief to talk a bit 'with someone, especially since that someone had my own opinions!
To be honest I started to feel a bit 'too isolated. Have no one near the top can be relaxing, but then becomes unnerving.
I can not wait to get out of here.
Monday, August 15
Finally I reached the last day. Tomorrow morning at nine exactly I shall see the light of the sun and my dear Betty.
morning, and rearranged the cot defeat in the other night I had a chat with myself. To liven up a bit 'situation I imagined that the other was another person, to whom I gave the name Bob. I also tried to give Bob a mentality different from mine, because a conversation in which the other party gives you always right is rather boring. I must say that the discussion was animated, though not to the point of beating. But you imagine if Betty, opening the door, I was with a black eye?
Today, however, was a day of celebration for the upcoming release, and at lunchtime I opened the last can of beer that had escaped my raid last night and I shared equally with Bob. Quiet, I'm kidding: Bob exists only thanks to my fancy, and not die as soon as I set foot out of here.
In the refrigerator I can only just over a box of meat and a slice of cake for tonight and a bit 'of milk and biscuits for breakfast tomorrow morning, not to forget a bottle of champagne to toast us tomorrow with Betty.
will be long until tomorrow, with the anxiety that consumes me to want to go out. But because I did not bring at least the crossword to pass the time?
Tuesday, August 16
This morning I woke up after ten, and Betty had not yet arrived. He probably had trouble with the car ... For months we insist that the face of control: the noises under the hood had nothing to do with the normal noise of an engine.
probably has just gone by the time my dear grandmother and is now checking the train schedules. But I remember that the only time I had accompanied the train from her grandmother had to wait six in the evening to leave. This means that up to 19.30, also calculating a good half hour by taxi from the station to the store, I'll still be alone.
patience, pity only that today I have already provided to the fund. For today I will be forced to make a forced diet.
Thursday, August 17 (?)
I'm not sure of the date because I broke Tuesday the clock, and without the sunshine is not easy to realize the passage of time.
As you can well imagine Betty did not arrive. I fear the worst. I would not wish it had been the victim of an accident. If this were the case, would mean that it is very serious, if not dead (God forbid), then he would have at least found a way to send someone to rescue me.
Tuesday I waited until ten o'clock at night, then did not see nothing coming I had a panic attack, and I started screaming and kicking and punching the door. It 'was how I broke the clock. My outburst lasted about ten minutes, during which I got to a wrist sprain and perhaps fractured big toe. After I cried and I finally managed to calm down.
yesterday (although I'm not sure that today is Thursday and not Wednesday yet) I looked for a possible escape route. Nothing to do, the vault was made to not let anybody, and I can assure that out is difficult.
Since I had no other options, nothing was left for me than trying to pass the time taking up the diary.
Meanwhile, I postponed the death of Bob to continue to have a company. Today we talked about my (our) situation. He told unceremoniously that this site will be my grave. I do not want to believe it sooner or later someone will notice my absence.
Friday, August 19
This morning when I wake up, I felt the first signs of hunger. The fridge is empty: the food that would last a week is over in five days, and now I no longer have anything to eat. Luckily I still have a large stock of water.
All day I have not done is pacing my prison, singing or talking to Bob in order to break the monotony of silence.
If I had a lighter with me I would try to trigger the fire alarm system, with a good chance that in any case has been disabled since the vault has been emptied fur out for the restoration of the store in late summer, before the reopening.
I pulled the plug on the refrigerator, the noise had become really annoying and irritated my nerves which is already shaken. Too bad they can not do something for the hum of neon.
Sunday, August 21
I hope that the date is correct.
Yesterday I did not write anything. I committed a lot of time on the day to discuss with Bob. Yes, him. Since yesterday morning he started talking to me even when he was pointing to me and my imagination. I managed to create a personality so well that his ideas are now in sharp contrast to mine.
yesterday claimed that Betty I had left on purpose, because they did not want to know me and wanted to pocket the money from my life insurance when we know that both of them until we are husband and wife you just do not cash out anything. According to Bob Betty was a lover, and she was groped to convince me to this silly experiment, circuit, as only women can do. I absolutely do not want to believe such a thing, though, to think of it, I do not think he put too much resistance to my project too. But I'm saying? Betty would never do such a thing! However, after discussion Bob has not done more to hear. Maybe he is offended.
Monday August 22
This morning I made peace with Bob. Seeing him there in the corner like a whipped dog, he gave me a great pity. Above is my only companion in this prison.
I say it? Well, I mean imagine.
In the afternoon we played the hanging, but Bob always guessed the words that I thought, so I got bored and I've ruined the game. I had thought of creating playing cards with the leaves of the diary, but it would be a big job and would still be too recognizable from the rear. The Ideon
came to Bob, we have designed a chess board on a sheet and chess pieces on scraps of paper torn from the diary. Are certainly not the ivory figure of a chess board, but you can use. It seems that Bob is not as knowledgeable about this game: I've won six games a week!
Tonight I thought more in Betty. May have been so low? At this time, it will probably be enjoying the sunshine with some dude in Hawaii, waiting for the moment when the news announcing the discovery of two corpses in the vault of his shop.
Think of Dad's face when Betty and Bob will find me lying on the floor when he comes to begin the restoration work. Nor is it said that you find two, can be like those players crashed in the Andes, and the first of us who succumb will be eaten other. I hope I never come to this, but hunger is becoming violent. No, but what I'm saying? I will not eat the flesh of a man! Rather than death!
Wednesday, August 23
I can not believe it! That bastard Bob was able to escape! I can not even understand how, you probably had a friend out who freed him, and wanted to leave me locked in revenge for dell'alterco we had Sunday.
Yesterday morning I got up and I have not found. He's gone well through the night without a sound, leaving me like a dog. And I believe it to a friend! All this time has done nothing that fool, waiting for the right time for revenge! But one day I get out of here, and I find him to make him pay, I had to look for him in the head in the world.
Thursday, August 25
Tonight Bob came to make fun of me, speaking through the door. He told me that he was the lover of Betty, and that everything had been prepared some time to take off in between. The most horrifying thing was to hear the laughter with the voice of Betty. I should have realized right away that this girl was completely insane! And his friend is no exception. I think before fleeing from there had read my diary, because his last words before leave me again, concerns the written page Monday: he told me he was sorry not to be my dinner, but wishing that I could use many parts of me that I could do without.
are in a desperate situation. 'm Locked in here for days without food, and the only people who know it are completely crazy.
not stand it any longer: over growing hunger I'm starting to feel a sense of claustrophobia. It seems to me that I can not breathe, and maybe mine is not just a feeling: the two may have clogged the narrow ventilation holes. They know that I still have that hunger and water alone does not cause a death fast enough, so they thought to accelerate time.
Saturday, August 27
This morning I was awakened by terrible stomach cramps. I did not think the pain could reach a high threshold. I tried to drink a full liter of water to fool my body to be satisfied, but I threw up shortly after, increasing the pain.
Yesterday the buzz of neon had become unbearable, so I climbed on the table and I've broken four, keeping only one in the middle of the room to not get completely dark, then I was gripped by a hysterical and can not remember anything until this morning. To be absolutely honest I do not know if the date is actually written to today: I'm totally the notion of time. I count the days every time I wake up, assuming that my body is still used to the rhythms of wakefulness and sleep that I had before. It may well be, however, I have moments of unconsciousness. In short, the date in the diary I write more by habit than to get a real response to the passage of time.
Today I finally ate. No, I started to get me to pieces, but I implemented the things you learn from the many adventure novels read as a child, those in which the castaway, having no other alternative, they eat the leather of his shoes. I've never tasted anything more disgusting: it was like eating plastic, but the stomach has the straight lines. I think in my situation would anything right. After this meal I remained still nothing, apart from the leather of my glasses.
I have not heard of Betty and Bob. Maybe they decided to let me die in peace and have gone away, only to return when my body will be found and do some 'scene.
were, however, very stupid have thought that with me will also found the diary. I want everyone to know: my assassins have them! How much would I give to see them roasting in the electric chair!
Sunday, August 28
This morning I attended mass. There being no priests, of course I had to celebrate it myself, using the champagne (the one ready to be opened for my release) instead of the wine and the skin of keeping the glasses in place of the Host. It 'was a memorable function, just a shame that the chorus is missing.
I drew with the pen a panic on the refrigerator, so now seems an emergency exit and I have the impression of being stuck here. I always said that the need for the mother of invention.
I still have to study a solution for the bathroom: now it is full and I had to start making my needs on the ground in the corner. Maybe I could use the empty water bottles, but I should also find ways to seal them not to let out the smell. Maybe tomorrow I'll go buy the caps. Today I really did not feel like going out, I feel a rag.
Monday, August 29
I remembered this morning that all the shops in town are closed for holidays, so do not go out and buy the caps for the bottles.
I only found out today that the emergency exit there in the corner is locked: you open the door, but behind there is the opening! They made an emergency exit side! In the face of safety laws! The only remaining neon
began making more noise than all the others put together, but I can not turn it off he who opens the door might think that there is no one home and leave. But I'm smart: everyone knows that if the house is light on means there is someone! This is why my parents wanted to put the timer connected to the house to keep away thieves. So the thieves did not think we went on vacation and did not enter the house.
Tuesday, August 30
I'm still here, all sore. Just got up I tried to break through the door fists and kicks. The big toe that I thought I broke last week is now definitely broken, like the left wrist. Yet in the movies always manage to knock down the doors, unless of course you do not take such comic films where the heroes are so unlucky that when a shoulder injury at the door or break an arm or a wall that opens onto the precipice of a skyscraper, does not understand what is to make a port on an outside wall with no stairs.
By now I'm sitting on the ground with the diary on the legs because the table is wobbly and I can not follow the line if the paper continues to move back and forth. Even as a child I always found it difficult to write, the teacher always said to my mother and me to follow the lines should have been invented especially for me a book with the squiggly lines and my teacher knew what he was saying and I do not I was certainly more good student in class but now I'm studying psychology and this thesis will pass the examination to the great and my teacher will be proud of me.
Now I'm tired and maybe it is evening and I get back to sleep.
Tuesday, August 31
I can not stand the loneliness is destroying me. The room is getting smaller and the water is running so much but I think I'll die first.
The grandfather had tried to take me with him in the dream and would have been better if I went with him because my grandfather knew what he was doing he knew that in life you must always look back to those you love can stab you in the back Grandpa was smart.
I heard scratching at the door this morning, but maybe it was the cat and told him to leave because I no longer give milk. He is gone because the cats are all selfish and when you have nothing to offer them if they leave and never come back to you because cats are selfish and when I get out of here I will not see anymore because they are selfish.
Sunday 32 August
Mass today because nothing is done without the champagne and wine you can not bless. This night came to see the spirit of my grandfather told me that by just looking for me because I will forget to pay the bill phone and then will ask to look for the money but I do not have the book here and maybe I leased out the furniture because they are without money to pay the bill but my grandfather says that there is still time and maybe I can rustle up something.
Since today is a day of celebration, I decided to pray and fast to purify my soul because I will not die if I have to go to hell because it hurts too hot. Perhaps it'll get to heaven, but I hope at least in Purgatory (if I hear my teacher of literature would be glad to know me so well that the Divine Comedy).
I'd give anything to see the sunlight for at least ten minutes. Is it true that those who have not seen the sun for too long when he sees it is enchanted and burning eyes staring too long?
It 's late, will be at least 22.65, so it's time to sleep. Children should not stay up late, otherwise when it comes Santa Claus turns Black Man and eats them because Santa Claus does not want the kids to see. I can not wait to know what I will leave under the tree (I have drawn on a paper because I did not have a real one).
Sunday, December 25
Santa Claus did not leave me anything maybe I was not bad but I tried anyway to see him do not turn in but as Black Man I left the gift the next year with a trap and wait ricatterò because I was not good and brought me the gift.
Merry Christmas.
Thursday 42 December
It 's been a month since yesterday or maybe a year. No one even opens the door from inside and I can not weigh too much. Yesterday I sang "Happy Birthday to me" because it was my birthday but the door remained locked in does not even have to be able to open the lock with the hairpin like in the movies so I did not have the pin when I go buy one.
Monday 78 December
Today it's sunny a beautiful day and the birds chirping but I see that I can not because they are locked in there and there's a heck of window and I just have to imagine what is happening out there and maybe instead of the snow that's funny.
Here I can only piss drinking and sleeping because I can not do anything neon is too loud and makes you a headache then this is the last page that I write because the neon is a headache and then left to break even sleep both day and night are equal and when I wake up a princess opens the door and kiss me and then I will travel to university and I congratulate all of my teachers and the My experiment that could not work any better than that
now I know what loneliness really
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These pages were found Sept. 10 '95 in a fur vault Betty Enderson, who died Aug. 16 in a car accident while returning home after having visited her grandmother. Besides the diary, there was the body of Henry Benn, last year university student of psychology. The man was mutilated left hand, seemingly disconnected biting. The hand was not found.
Orbassano, May 26, 1996
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